i can't help it

i use to really really love my job. a lot. sure there were times when my job was very physically demanding and that wasn't as much fun as say pony rides, but then again there were times when i would spend days on end watching hulu. so it seemed to counteract the physical parts. my job description is still the same. some months i run non-stop and others (like today) i really have nothing to do. (i did pay all my current bills this morning) but lately i dread coming here. and it's not the work i do but the people i am required to see while i'm here.

there is a growing disdain for my co-work that i imagine has been building up for awhile now but ever since last months staff meeting i don't want to be anywhere near her. i just find her oh so annoying and i find that i have to just not say anything for fear of saying something inappropriate.

every year she and i talk about what months we would like to be taking vacation. i mentioned to her i was looking at either may or march. to which she mentioned her and her husband were also looking into may. so i said ok i would look in march instead. after carefully checking and re-checking many calendars i found a week in march that worked. when i went to my boss with that she informed me that was not a good week for me to be gone because both she and her counter part would be out of town that week. so i said ok i would rearrange and look at different times.

the very next day at our staff meeting my co-worker said she would be taking vacation that week. and my boss turned to me to ask me to cover the office and and all programs. i said yes, fully planning to talk with her about this after the meeting, and we carried on. a few minutes later my boss realized what she had just done and decided everyone would be off that week and we would just close the office.

while part of me was glad to be able to go on my trip part of me was very annoyed. why not tell her too she couldn't take that week? why go to the trouble of closing for a whole week? why are we making exceptions for her case? and then the rest of us benefit too? i just didn't understand.

sadly the prices for my trip went up so i am no longer able to go that week any way. while i don't blame my work situation directly for the rate increase i do feel if my boss had just let me go in the first place and made her stay i would have gotten tickets at the good price. also if my boss had said everyone needs to be here i'd be less bitter. because i will now be here to run the office while everyone is away.

as previously stated, i can't help it. i'm still upset by it. i'm annoyed i have to be here, i'm annoyed that i can't find another good time to go anywhere, i'm annoyed my co-worker is leaving that same time, i'm annoyed that it seems as if once again the rules have been altered to avoid her having a fit. i'm just over all annoyed and it's rubbing off onto my daily encounters with her.

i find i don't want to talk with her about anything, work related or not. that i find the very sound of her voice grating even when she's not talking to or about me. and i can't help it. i can only hope that once that week has come and gone i will be over it but i have no hopes that i will be over it before then. and that means being annoyed for the next month. and that seems like a lot of energy.

i had hoped that writing this would make me feel even the tiniest bit better but no luck. i don't feel angrier either so i guess that's good. i do feel like trying to find a way to screw her over but that's not very mature or helpful.

unless it makes me feel better.

the end.